Day 5

Sunday March 13, 2011

Still good! Going strong!

Yesterday was a friends birthday party & this was a big talk of the party. Cameron interviewed a lot of people for this & I am looking forward to viewing this footage. Should be funny!

So today is a weird day... Ug! Not fun... Well had a fun day with a couple of friends from Sac who I haven't seen in years.

So they are gone and now I have quiet time...time to think...time to be in my head...heh heh WHAT!?!?!

  Listening to the rain is pretty calming. I am realizing when I am alone, I want to....well...."have alone time" CODE WORD ALERT!!! I am noticing some people eat out of boredom while I have "alone time" when I am bored...so how can I equate food to sex? I mean, how do people who eat out of boredom break that habit? What do they do? and what can I do to replace this?

  People are becoming more attractive....I bet they are not really all that attractive but I am pretty sure a tree looks pretty hot right now.

  So let's get back to the party shall we?? I met a few new people because I was known as "The guy who gave it up for Lent"....Well let's get a few things understood, I am not giving it up....giving it up means you are getting some action where I am getting no action...NONE!!! There were a lot of attractive people at this party and oddly enough, I was not in the mood...maybe it was sensory overload.... maybe it was the fact that I looked at it as the statistic of 1 in every 8 people have gonorrhea... TRUE FACT PEOPLE!!! TRUE FACT!!! but we went out and there was DEFINITELY some temptations out there.

   I have noticed something in the past couple of days though... I am finding it easier to talk to people. There is a certain anxiety when you want to go talk to a stranger... a few things can swirl around in your head... like... Will they think I some freak trying to talk to them...and yes that might be so.... Will they talk with me or will they just make it awkward by just giving 1 word answers and looking completely disengaged...not a favorite of mine... Will I back myself in a corner finding out THEY are the freak...that has happened...never a good thing....or do they think I am talking to them to get in their pants?...most likely...BUT not always...but now that sex and junk...or my junk that is, is off the table, the pressure isn't there anymore I am finding myself more confident...

   Strange! More confident now that I am being celibate... Interesting thought... I have used sex as a confidence booster at times...and come on people....haven't we all? I mean, someone whether it's a 1 night stand, or friend, or date, or husband, or wife finds you attractive and wants to be sexual, that makes you feel confident... there is a certain sense of satisfaction and boost...it makes you feel good that someone wants you... that you chemically set off a reaction in another human being... you are a reason someone wants to share a very intimate part of themselves with you. There's nothing wrong with that...

  So I guess that is a lesson being learned....


 AIDS Fact:

In 2006, more than 30,000 MSM and MSM-IDU were newly infected with HIV.

  That averages out to 2500 Men a month......625 men a week.....89.29 men a day ...scary statistic isn't it...