Day 13 March 21, 2011
Today I am almost settled into my new digs, so not much to report here. I have not been in the mood or had any desires which is weird for me but I am liking the non-distraction factor of this! I am wondering if this is my body just giving up for a while and it will sneak up on me like a tiger and pounce or is this me just being so busy I don't have time? I guess time will tell.
Someone at worked asked me today, "Jason, are you single?" to which I replied, "Perpetually!" and she said, "Why??? Don't you want to be with someone?" and I said, "It's not that I don't, it's just not a priority or something I look for. If I meant to be with someone, I trust life will have that happen."...then she said something that struck me....she said, "Do you want to be alone forever? Like, grow old by yourself? Live by yourself with no one to share your life with?"....my first reaction was "BACK THE F*** OFF ALREADY!!!" but when she said that, I felt this cold chill come over my body.
I thought about me growing older and being alone....Celebrating markers in my life alone.... Being elderly and being alone... When my family is gone, I am alone...(not that I am close to them...but still)... I then thought, "What am I doing? What have I been doing? Do I want to be alone or do I want someone to share my life with?" Don't get me wrong, I am not about to rush out and find the next relationship, but for so long I have been so anti-relationship I have not thought about the future. I try to live in the moment as much as I can as to not miss what is right in front of me, but should I be thinking about this "future"? I am having so much fun right now and I don't want to be tied down or responsible for anyone....but I am not opposed to it if the right person and situation were to present itself.....but I have to be honest..... There are a lot more people I want to experience before I settle down... Of course as I say this watch I meet someone... but really... I am not that douche bag guy who claims they like someone and lays on the lines and game thick, I am honest about what I want and I have always been that way.
I may come across as strong when I say, "Look, we're both adults here and I am not into relationships. I think you are very attractive and I want to be with you right here, right now, and tonight. If you're down for this, let me know. If you're not, I totally understand." I have always been able to pride myself on that sort of honesty and I do not play games or lead people on.
AIDS FACT!!!!:
Over the past 27 years, nearly 25 million people have died from AIDS.1 HIV/AIDS causes debilitating illness and premature death in people during their prime years of life and has devastated families and communities
That is almost 1 MILLION people a year!!! Not all sex related of course...but it goes to show how serious this disease is!
I may come across as strong when I say, "Look, we're both adults here and I am not into relationships. I think you are very attractive and I want to be with you right here, right now, and tonight. If you're down for this, let me know. If you're not, I totally understand." I have always been able to pride myself on that sort of honesty and I do not play games or lead people on.
AIDS FACT!!!!:
Over the past 27 years, nearly 25 million people have died from AIDS.1 HIV/AIDS causes debilitating illness and premature death in people during their prime years of life and has devastated families and communities
That is almost 1 MILLION people a year!!! Not all sex related of course...but it goes to show how serious this disease is!
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